Monday, October 31, 2011

That's All Folks! (Porky Pig Voice)


It's always easier to have an argument when you have the truth on your side. For the last few years and, more intensely, the last few weeks there has been a constant argument on whether Tim Tebow is any good at, well, anything. This week pretty much sealed the deal. I'm right. When you get hosed by Detroit 45-10 and look bad doing it, that tells us something.

This week there would be no Miracle in Miami, no late game "heroics", just total dominance by the Lions. In this ass chewing, I'd like to say the Lions held Tim Tebow to 18/39 and two turnovers, but that would imply Tebow's own suckage didn't factor into it. Make no mistake, he is bad and lacks basic skills that are needed to play quarterback. Routine overthrowing of receivers and bad decisions can't all be placed on solid Detroit defense. A lot of the blame has to be place on Tebow for his total inability to play the position. Maybe he didn't pray hard enough before the game this week. Maybe he didn't stretch enough without all that time on the sideline to undermine Kyle Orton.

I'm sorry that was petty. Good. I hate this guy. He is totally undeserving of a shot at being a starting quarterback in the NFL. I would be this mad at any other person getting a job they shouldn't get. You need only look to my outrage about Mike Brown being hired to coach the Lakers or Mike Shanahan being hired to coach any team without John Elway at quarterback.

My hate for Tebow goes slightly further because I hate all his religious bullshit too. If you want to be religious fine. Do it on your own time and keep it out of the workplace. You don't see cops getting down on one knee every time they write a parking ticket, do you? That might be funny, and I would pay to see Nick Maletto do it, but it shouldn't happen. If there is a god, he doesn't pick sides or favorites in football.

This is perhaps the part that drives me nuts about this clown even more than his offensive play (you love that pun). When he wins it's all prayers and getting down on one knee. What about when he loses? Does he love his god a little less? Tebow supporters, who often conflate his beliefs and his play will point to his religion and the fact that he is one of the few good people in the NFL. What? Are you overlooking the size of the ego that is needed to believe that the all powerful being you believe in is backing you over other people in a football game? Please. And don't tell me that Tebow doesn't play this to his advantage.

You only need look to his comments after the game. "I'm just going to get up early and go to work and try to get better tomorrow and consistently improve and be the best person-slash-quarterback for this organization," Tebow said. What does that mean? I don't care about you as a person and your play at quarterback has nothing to do with it. Cut the shit. Being a good person doesn't mean anything if you can't throw the ball.

I despise that is his defense. He plays the sympathy card like no other while at the same time being one of the most subtly ego-maniacal, "I think I'm better than everyone" people in the league. One can only hope that he is brushed into the footnotes of bad quarterback history as soon as possible while hopefully continuing to look terrible while doing it.

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